One year later, I sit here in the hour before dawn, as the sky colors lavender and pink in anticipation of the sun’s arrival, and the poetry of being able to soak in the beauty and symbolism of this hour is not lost on me.
I have spent much of my (short, I know) life waiting for the dawn…for the light of literal morning, for clarity in the light of God’s Word, for the moment when light will break over the darkest of circumstances and we will see that, truly, hope was not lost.
I have learned that the sweetest way to spend this darkest hour is to find my favorite constellation, brew a mug of coffee, and settle in with my Bible, journal, and a stack of books.
Seek the pinpricks of light afforded. Make and savor something beautiful. Fill my mind with truth, and preach it again to myself.
This, I realize today, is the essence of Beauty Even Here.
It’s a compilation of poetry that I wrote while feeling lost, directionless, confused, and disappointed by God’s timing. It’s in the spirit of Habakkuk, or Martha running to meet Jesus after her brother had been dead three days.
It’s full of poems that ask why, God?, but also of poems that cry show me, God…help me, God…heal me, God…turn my eyes to Yours.
One of my favorite lines from Beauty Even Here is nothing and everything has changed, and I feel that deeply – in a different way than I meant in that poem – a year or two later. A good deal has changed in my circumstances, but so little has changed in the tendencies of my heart: to seek the dawn of an answered prayer rather than the face of the One who is answering.
That, also, is the heart of Beauty Even Here, because I am stubborn, stuck in my ways, and so desperately need to be reminded and to remind myself to turn my eyes to Jesus in the midst of painful or unwanted circumstances, rather than just seeking relief and escape.
Spoiler alert if you haven’t read the book: He is the beauty even here.
He is our light, our joy, our ultimate satisfaction and beauty in both our darkest and most ordinary days.
What a gift He is!! How kind He is! We could not trust our lives to anyone better or more capable and worthy.
May He in truth be the most beautiful One to us in all our days.
Stay the course,
<3 Laurel
A small P.S. For nearly a month I’ve been wanting to get back into the habit of writing down three beautiful things that have happened/I’ve seen each day…as I’ve been writing this, I’ve been convinced that I do indeed need to get back into this habit. If you’d like to join me in doing this for just a month (hopefully you’ll get hooked on it and end up doing it for longer, hehe!), consider this your nudge and your invitation. 🙂
Some of my core childhood memories are of spending hours poring over magazines: decades-old issues of Cricket that were piled on the bookshelf at my grandma’s house, the Highlights subscription my grandpa gave me for years, a Christian magazine for teen girls/young women that has since gone out of print.
As so many children’s magazines have gone off the rails in terms of age-appropriate content and wholesome values, while at the same time the creative space has largely migrated to the digital world, I’ve grieved the fact that my sisters and so many other young women don’t have the chance to build similar memories of eagerly checking the mailbox for the latest edition of a fun and wholesome magazine.
I’m so happy to announce that Crown of Beauty is changing that!!
About the Magazine✨
Crown of Beauty Magazine is a quarterly print and digital publication created for Christian teens and young women (ages 13–30) who desire a life rooted in faith, beauty, and purpose.
Through a blend of Biblical encouragement and soft, whimsical storytelling, we explore:
~Biblical womanhood ~Joyful, intentional living ~The whimsy of girlhood ~Wholesome adventure and creativity
Each issue is designed to feel like a breath of fresh air, uplifting the heart, inspiring the imagination, and reminding every reader of her God-given worth.
We’re a collective of voices releasing beauty, joy, and whimsy into the world. Join our community! There’s always a seat at the table. You can sit with us!
In this stunning, 72 page debut issue, you’ll find articles highlighting young women who are walking with God and have wisdom to share from their unique season of life. Take back your Sword of Truth and demolish the enemy’s lies with our Bible Study and reflective journaling questions. Plan a fabulous summer strawberry party with your girlies, slow down and find the whimsy in a Little Women summer, and get tips for spending less time scrolling and more time living!
Filled with gorgeous photography, uplifting articles and whimsical summer clipart, The Awakening Issue is more than a magazine—it’s an invitation to step into the life God created you to live as His Royal Princess Daughter.
This issue is just plain delightful. The design is whimsical and lovely, and the content is a fun mix of interviews, clip art, summer fun inspo, and truth-filled articles and writings.
(I was also honored to have one of my poems featured in this issue, and one of my dear friends wrote one of the articles, sooo…that always adds to the fun, am I right?🤭)
Technically I’m still in the target audience of this magazine, but I can just picture my teenaged self absolutely devouring this issue one sunny Saturday afternoon on the porch, probably with a journal to take notes…and a freezie, of course.😆
While I didn’t get to enjoy this magazine in my teens, I’m just so grateful it exists today and excited to see how the Lord uses it to bring an extra dose of truth and beauty into the lives of the young women it reaches! It would be a delightful gift for a beauty+whimsy-loving young lady in your life…a daughter, granddaughter, sister, or friend.
I’ve been working on a contemporary fiction project again recently and am currently fleshing out the history of one of my main characters. I wrote this piece to help develop a certain aspect of his character/personality and thought I’d share it here!
I hope you enjoy.:)
“I heard Mother and Daddy talking real quiet in the kitchen last night.”
Debbie Rutledge, having cornered her little brother where he was helping his model horses play rodeo beneath the piano, passed along this bit of knowledge in a covert tone of voice.
Roy’s eyebrows knitted. “We’re not supposed to eavesdrop.”
Debbie cast her eyes downward to Roy’s favorite palomino, thick eyelashes spreading on her round cheeks as she adopted an attitude of having been properly chastised. After a few moments, she leaned close to Roy’s sunburned ear. “Daddy said we’re moving again.”
Roy forgot any scruples regarding his sister’s questionable behavior and stared at her in mournful disbelief. “Why?”
“He’s in the Air Force, silly. When you’re in that, you have to move a lot.” And Debbie tossed her hair over her shoulder in an aloof way that Roy understood to mean If you were ten, you’d understand.
Now Roy stared at his palomino (who had stopped barrel racing to listen to Debbie’s bad news) and tried to understand why the fact that Daddy worked with planes meant they had to move…again. Couldn’t planes fly so fast and be back to the same place in a jiffy? “But why?”
“Daddy says it’s just part of the job.”
“Can we ever come back again?”
Debbie shrugged carelessly. “I don’t know. Maybe. I didn’t hear them talk about that.” Her eyes brightened, like she was actually excited about having to leave. “I wonder where we’ll go! Maybe we’ll get to have a blue house or live near mountains.”
Roy ran a finger down his palomino’s painted mane. He thought about the good friends he’d made here – Doug and Tony and Ben in particular, who’d taught him how to play cops and robbers – and the ice cream shop that was just down the street and the hydrangea bush beneath his bedroom window that was the best hiding spot ever for hide and seek.
Even if they did live in a blue house near the mountains, would there be friends like Doug and Tony and Ben and an ice cream shop and a hydrangea bush there? Roy wasn’t so sure. When he found something good – like his palomino, which he’d found last summer underneath the slide at the school playground, half-covered in mud – he never wanted to let it go. You could never be sure you’d find something quite so nice ever again.
“When I grow up,” Roy said slowly, “I’m going to get a job where I can stay in one place forever and ever.”
What is it about unanswered prayers that makes us believe God is holding out on us?
Somehow, though we have seen His faithfulness and sovereignty time and again, we need reminders of those sightings time and again. As I tend to write to preach to my own heart, I thought I’d share with this poem an old post that resonated with me again today and pairs nicely with this poem…in my opinion, at least. 🙂
These blog posts are some of my favorites to write, and I’ve heard they’re favorites with some of you, as well. That makes me so happy…thank you for reading!!
That being said, after this post I am going to switch things up on you guys and turn the monthly memories posts into a monthly email sent to my newsletter subscribers. So! If you love these posts and don’t want to stop being nosy reading them, here’s the link to subscribe to my newsletter so you don’t miss the next one.
(And if you’re concerned about email spam, don’t be. Sending a bi-weekly newsletter is my hope, but that goal is rarely reached these days.XD)
We make our lives insupportably complex by disobeying Jesus’ command to take no thought for tomorrow. Planning for tomorrow, when planning is necessary and possible, belongs properly to today. Worrying about tomorrow belongs nowhere. The Lord gives us daily, not weekly, bread. He gives strength according to our days, not our years.
If Jesus had been driven to the Gateway Arch and told by his intrepid redhead that they would hover 630 feet above ground in a claustrophobic viewing chamber, what would he do? Chances seemed solid that he too would regret not putting more caveats on his promise to do anything not involving a river.
I love Sara Brunsvold’s work. This one doesn’t feel as homey or as much of a comfort read as her previous books (it does revolve around a road trip, after all!), but instead it’s rich with complicated mother-daughter and sister relationships and deep dives into their personalities and heart struggles. I’m so glad I read it, and definitely recommend if you’re a contemporary fiction fan.
“You are right to be glad in His April days while He gives them. Every stage of heavenly growth in us is lovely to Him; He is the God of the daisies and the lambs and the merry child hearts!”
I’m still in the early chapters of this book, but it’s been so good already. (And it’s 50% off right now on Amazon!!)
That evil was a nameless evil, an evil whose name was Gnag the Nameless.
This book has been wildly popular with my sister and her peers, and one Sunday afternoon I finally cracked and decided I must know what the hype is all about. I am thoroughly enjoying myself.
Mule sank back in the booth, looking depressed. “I’ll have what I been havin’ before th’ new menu, a grilled pimiento cheese on white bread, hold the mayo.”
“Do you see anything on this menu sayin’ pimiento cheese? On this menu, we don’t have pimiento cheese, we ain’t goin’ to get pimiento cheese, and that’s th’ end of it.” The proprietor stomped away, looking disgusted.
“You made him mad,” said J.C., wiping his face with his handkerchief.
“How can a man make a livin’ without pimiento cheese on his menu?” Mule asked.
I’m trying to stay ahead of another sister in the Mitford series, and this book, as expected, has been equal parts humorous and heartwarming.
I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. May my meditation be sweet to Him; I will be glad in the LORD.
Psalm 104:33-34
From the journal…
When I know God, what grieves His heart will grieve mine…it will become personal.
Let Your will be done, and help me to love Your will.
You know my frame, O Father…provide for me as You see I need provision! Satisfy me with Your mercy as only You can. Keep my heart and mind pure and close to You, free from all traces of selfishness and bitterness.
The itch to know and to have and to be anything other than what God intends me to know, to have, and to be must go.
Elisabeth Elliot
What made your April memorable? What beauty have you been seeing these days?
This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something through one of the links I share in this post, I receive a small commission…at no extra cost to you. We all win.:)
Just popping in quickly today to let you know that a bookstore I partner with is running a birthday sale for the shop’s owner…which means 25% off used books and 10% off indie books (which includes my books: Clarion Hope and Beauty Even Here✨).
So!
If you’ve been looking to find some preloved or indie books without leaving the comfort of your own home AND support a small business AND not spend a ton of money…this is your time to shine.
And if you’re specifically looking for one of my books, here are the links for Clarion Hope (which had a birthday of its own last Saturday!!) and Beauty Even Here.
Holy Week is arguably my favorite week of the year, lodged deep in the heart of my favorite season of the year. It’s rife with emotion, reflection, tradition, and celebration – all things I treasure – and it’s centered around my Savior and His love, worth, and triumph.
It is a gift.
He is a gift.
Today I wanted to share some thoughts (shared last year in my newsletter) on a portion of Scripture that never – and I mean never – interested me until recently.
I don’t know why I always skimmed over the account of Jesus joining the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, but, apart from my childhood fascination with Jesus suddenly disappearing from the table after breaking bread, it had never stuck out to me before.
But finally one phrase in that account hit home…
“Are You the only stranger in Jerusalem, and have you not known the things…concerning Jesus of Nazareth…and how the chief priests and our rulers delivered Him to be condemned to death, and crucified Him. But we were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel.”
luke 24:18-21
I can almost hear the devastation and confusion, even the hurt in Cleopas’ voice as he shares his shattered hopes with the man he has yet to learn is Jesus.
And yet I almost smile in anticipation of the revelation that is to come for him. Just wait, Cleopas! He has redeemed Israel! Just in a far better, far grander way than you could have dreamed.
Just wait.
I think this story has finally stuck out to me because I find Cleopas’ disappointment and disillusionment to be so relatable. Over and over again I’ve dreamed up ways God could redeem the broken storylines that hang aching in my life, and over and over again I turn confused and hurt-filled eyes to Jesus and whisper,
“But I was hoping You were going to redeem this.”
I can picture His patient smile. Just wait, Laurel! I am redeeming this! Just in a far better, far grander way than you could have dreamed.
Just wait.
I’ll be honest; my flesh is so very sick of waiting.
I, with the disciples who ran confused after Christ’s crucifixion, want answers and healing right here, right now, and I know I’m not the only one.
But.
God has all the time in the world.
He is in no hurry.
He is good. He is righteous. He sees you, and He sees me. His heart breaks at this brokenness, too.
And He is a Redeemer, never late, ever unafraid of the clock.
So even when our hearts want so badly to scream for wholeness on our terms and on our timelines, we can lay our fears and even our anger to rest on the heart that bled out for us.
I scribbled this on a sticky note the other day and stuck it on my fridge as a reminder:
I have learned not to fear the silence of God.
God’s silence stretched on for 400 years, and then He changed the world forever.
He is not silent in confusion, indecision, or fear.
He is silent in anticipation.
Oh, what a wondrous God we get to love and serve! May He be the strength of our hearts today and our portion forever.
