I wrote this piece a couple of years ago and wanted to share it now. I hope it can be a blessing!
Practice guitar for the Christmas program.
Continue with gift preparations.
Finalize edits on my aunt’s obituary.
It’s a cruel and confusing thing to be grieving while the world swirls in such happiness and anticipation to the tune of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” blaring over the radio.
But isn’t that why we have a Christmas in the first place?
God saw, God grieved, and so He came. Christmas isn’t a fragile veneer that’s been plastered over reality. It’s the reality of God made flesh so death could die, and deep grief gives us the opportunity to celebrate that in a way that goes much deeper than trite choruses and wooden nativity scenes.
We stand beside caskets that hold the shells of the ones who have burst into eternity before us, and we lower them into a hole in the earth’s frozen heart and our weeping hollows us out because we are broken, dying humans living in a broken, dying world.
But we sow these shells in a sure and tearful expectation, because, just as the souls we have loved have shed their shells, these shells will one day shed these caskets and meet their Savior in the air because we are healing, blood-bought humans living for a healed and blood-bought world.
And so we carry our grief, sometimes over our shoulders, sometimes in deep, hidden pockets, but always with a deep-seated expectation that weeping only endures for a night, and joy will come with the morning.
Whether that morning is earthside or not matters not to us, because we are trusting a flimsy future to the hands of a sturdy God. He has worked all for the good of those who love Him, and He is unchanging. Why should He think He will break that habit now?
Indeed, in the triune God is the love behind all love, the life behind all life, the music behind all music, the beauty behind all beauty and the joy behind all joy.
My favorite non-fiction read of 2025, hands down. Read it!!
“We are not called to be successful in accordance with ordinary standards, but in accordance with a corn of wheat falling into the ground and dying, becoming in that way what it never could be if it were to abide alone.”
I found this book deeply impactful in high school and have been enjoying a reread.
And I will wait on the LORD, Who hides His face from the house of Jacob; And I will hope in Him.
Isaiah 8:17
From the journal…
May every fiber of my being magnify and rejoice in You!
Lord, let me be obedient to the point of the death of my dreams.
I am satisfied because of Who God is. Please be the first thing I seek, the One I long for in the driest of seasons. Help me to see Your lovingkindness as truly better than life.
To pray, “Thy will be done,” I must be willing, if the answer requires it, that my will be undone.
This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something through one of the links I share in this post, I receive a small commission…at no extra cost to you.:)
And that is the God revealed by Jesus Christ. Before He ever created, before He ever ruled the world, before anything else, this God was a Father loving His Son.
AHHHHH!!! Read this book!!! I’ve known the Lord since childhood, but this book digs so deeply into the triune nature of God and what it says about Him (and consequently about our relationship with Him), I feel like I’m meeting and falling in love with Him for the first time all over again.✨
Gardening is one part labor of our hands and one part God’s sovereign care through creation. It’s a reminder to us that God often chooses to provide at the intersection of our just get started and His watch me do this.
Hands down one of the very best books I’ve read this year. I came to it expecting a recipe for surviving unwanted circumstances and came away challenged to thrive in the pieces and seasons of life I wouldn’t have chosen. It was also an encouragement to me to stop moping at the doors God’s closed to me and instead start asking Him to show me the doors He’s opening and give me the courage to walk through them. If you’re struggling with discontentment or restlessness, read this book if you can.
“The way to shape a child’s heart is through love. And the way to shape a child’s mind is through literature. When you read to a child, you accomplish both.”
Romance still isn’t my genre, hehe, but I so enjoy Nicole Deese’s writing style and endearing characters. I listened to the audiobook after my sister read the book, and it was so much fun to discuss it with her. I’d recommend this book if you enjoy the clean contemporary romance genre, fun-loving male MCs (think a hilarious dinosaur obsession), parts of the story told through text threads, and some adorable kids.
Character is shaped by the level of God’s control in our lives.
This one popped up as a recommended audiobook on Spotify, and, to be honest, I was skeptical but in possession of lots of audiobook hours to use before the end of the month, so…I started it. I haven’t listened to much of it, but I’ve been so pleasantly surprised. Thus far it’s been a convicting and encouraging listen.
“‘Snickers has ear mites, I hope Barnabas is doin’ fine in all those sandspurs, I hope to th’ Lord you’ll check his paws on a regular basis.’ Emma was running her straw around the bottom of the cup and sucking with great expectation, but not finding much. He turned the volume down on the answering machine.”
Continuing the Mitford series…as always, it’s a lighthearted yet touching read.
Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way.
Psalm 119:37
From the journal…
Help me to treasure and see as weighty the gaze of Your eyes alone.
I laugh in wonderstruck delight
at the order You have settled in the heavens:
the way You set Earth in its orbit
just close enough to smile at the rays of the sun.
and yet I worry that I – a trillionth of a speck
on the face of North America –
missed something that You wanted me to find,
and now it can never be recovered.
Your sovereignty, O Lord,
has taken into consideration my clumsiness…
Ever heighten my sensitivity to sin in my own life and root it out, but ever deepen my comprehension of the depth of Your grace. Don’t let Satan wield my awareness of sin (confessed and repented-of sin) to drive me deep into despair and a sense of worthlessness…show me Your glory and Your mercy!
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.
This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something through one of the links I share in this post, I receive a small commission…at no extra cost to you.:)
Uh, no. Big no. My little-kid self assumed that when one turns eighteen, one magically becomes an adult, assumes adult responsibilities with ease, has everything figured out in life, and does big things.
Maybe that happens to everyone else… but it sure didn’t happen to me.
Looking back, I see that much of this slice of life was spent just trying to get the hang of life as a graduated adult with work instead of school, and a whole lot of things to figure out. I did a lot of journaling. And crying. And laughing. And praying. And thinking. And writing. And smiling. And farming. Lots of little things filled my life – and joy – to overflowing.
I had big plans to write my novel, take writing classes, and probably stop mixing feed for the cows on the family farm. (No offense, cows…) I wanted an orderly lifestyle with few or no complications. Ha.
Instead, I grew to love the crazy diversity that defines this season of my life. I fell mostly in love with my job on the farm and decided to keep it. I got to take on some babysitting. I didn’t take many writing classes. I didn’t make as much progress on my novel as I had naively planned. I got shoved into situations that stretched me…
But am I happy with how the last six months have panned out?
Absolutely.
They most certainly did not go according to my tidy, boring little plans. Oh, no. Instead, they gave me the opportunity to experience a huge, crazy mash-up of joy, pain, humor, irony, sacrifice, stumbling, disappointment, failure…
And fulfilment beyond my wildest dreams.
When God starts to change my plans, my first response is to wail, No, God. You don’t understand. This is how it’s supposed to go. Really.
To which He gently, but firmly, responds, Ah, but this is how it must go. Just wait and see… and soon you’ll know why.
I’m not at the end of my story, but I can already see some of the blessings that have come because God turned my plans upside down. I’m not holding so tightly to the security offered by things, plans, circumstances, or even people anymore. I’m not as scared of trying new things. I want Him more.
And I’m actually excited to hand Him the pen for these next six months – for the rest of my life – and to watch in breathless anticipation as He continues to write my story for me.
What are some things that you learned in your eighteenth year of life? Or are learning? Or wish to learn?
But honestly… I think that no matter where a person stands on politics, coronavirus-related policies, etc., every single one of us has a fairly legitimate reason for being sickened/depressed/frustrated by the news. America just left an epic year of division and unrest in the dust… and by the looks of it, 2021 isn’t looking promising, either.
Honestly, I’m pretty frustrated.
I want my nation to be indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Most of all, I want America to be one nation under God… but she’s not. She’s broken and hurting and sinful, spitting in the face of the One who has been so patient with her.
This wasn’t my plan, God.
In the past year, the one truth keeping me at peace with what’s going on in our nation is this:
God retains complete control over everything.
When I find myself getting worked up about what’s happening, I come back to this and calm down. There is nothing else that brings me more peace than this fact – that the One who loves me more than I can fathom is the One with whom nothing is impossible. The One who has all of what I see as a mess ordered in His perfect will.
I wanted to remind you of this today… just in case life has you in the dumps. Come on out of there, friend. God’s got this. He’s working all things out for His glory and the good of those who love Him. Rest in Him. ❤
It’s a song I love. It’s a song I love to sing. But it’s a song that’s really hard for me to live.
Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
There are days when I don’t really want to live this. Instead, I end up living an oxymoron. In the morning, I come to God and re-surrender my life to Him. Here, God, it’s Yours. I live for You.
Fast-forward a few minutes to where He’s taking me up on my offer. I’m suddenly snatching my life back and clenching it in my fists.
God, You know that conversation is going to get really stretched out, and I don’t want to give that much of my time…
You want me to love them??? Didn’t You see how they hurt me???
God, it was a long day and I’m exhausted… I don’t want to go on a walk with her.
But anyway… take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
I’ll sing it, God… but I won’t live it.
You are near in their mouth but far from their mind. – Jeremiah 12:2b
It breaks my heart when I find myself living this awful oxymoron. How can I claim to love God, yet trample over His desires for me in pursuit of my own? Christianity can’t work this way. It doesn’t work this way.
Surrender is surrender. No bones about it. When we surrender ourselves to God, we give Him everything. Literally everything.
We give Him our time and the way we spend it. We give Him our family and friends and our interactions with them. We give Him all of our possessions and what we do with them. We give Him our talents and the way we use them. We give Him our longings, our passions, our hopes, our dreams…
We give Him everything.
And we don’t take it back.
That’s what it means to be an all-out disciple of Christ.
I don’t wanna spend my life stuck in a pattern And I don’t wanna gain this world but lose what matters And so I’m giving up everything because
I wanna be different I wanna be changed ‘Til all of me is gone And all that remains Is a fire so bright The whole world can see That there’s something different So come and be different in me
-from Different by Kyle Lee and Micah Tyler Begnaud
With all that I am, God, I will praise You. In the face of all that seeks to turn my eyes from You, I will sing Your praises loud.
I worship You, Lord – because of Your tender affection. Because of Your truth. Because You have magnified Your word above all Your name.
When I cried out, You answered me; You filled my soul with strength and made me fearless.
When the rulers of the world hear Your words, my God, they will cry out in praise of You.
Yes… they will sing of Your ways, for great is Your glory, my King!
Though You are exalted above all, my Lord, You still take interest in the lowly. With the proud, however, You do not have intimate fellowship.
Even though I’m walking in hardship right now, You will revive me – with Your hand You will ward of the wrath of my enemies – You will save me with Your right hand.
Lord, You will bring to perfect completion all that weighs on my mind. Your mercy endures forever, my God – do not forsake those You have created.
But seriously, though… today I want to share with you about the problem I have with many works of Christian fiction.
They force a message/moral on the reader.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been turned off of a Christian fiction book because of preachiness. A stiff sermon in the form of fiction really frustrates me. If you really want to write an essay on Christianity, please just go do it. ‘Cause that’s what your exposition should be. Please don’t mask it with fiction.
I firmly believe that fiction should not be a platform for preaching. Tell your story and let it do its thing.
Disclaimer: please understand that I’m not knocking sermons or essays… I love them. I’m just saying that they have their own distinct place… they don’t need to masquerade in fictitious literature.🙂
Believe it or not, it’s possible to glorify God through fiction without preaching at your readers.
The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like the stars in heaven and the lilies in the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mould [sic] us. – Oswald Chambers
I believe this applies to fiction, as well. I can’t tell you how many works of fiction have made me stop in my tracks and evaluate my relationship with God and how I live it out… without being preachy. The writer just let the story play out… and let me, the reader, learn from the natural flow of the story.
In my opinion, writing a story to teach your readers a lesson is stepping into dangerous territory.
A couple of years ago, God was teaching me something amazing. My natural reaction was to share my new-found knowledge with others. And so I thought…
Why not write my (beloved) Civil War story so the main character learns the lesson I just learned?
So I started doing it. I planned to put my main character through a series of disastrous and depressing events (which is something my writer’s heart morbidly enjoys doing), and have her come through this scarring experience with the realization that Jesus was enough for her, no matter what.
Thankfully I set that project aside for a time. When I came back to it, having learned more about the writing craft and just life in general, I realized I had messed up.
I was trying to force my story into a preconceived mold. A preachy mold.
I know people laugh when writers complain about their characters getting out of control and doing things the writer never meant for them to do… but it’s a real struggle. A well-developed character should surprise its creator and do things that it was never “supposed” to do. Annoying as this is, letting the characters live their lives authentically is one of the best things a writer can do.
Trust that your readers can learn from your characters’ experiences without preachy interference.
I’m certainly not implying that stories shouldn’t have themes and morals… they should. True stories have these! In short, I’m saying that the stories you write can (and should!) be meaningful and convicting without being awkward and preachy.
Let your story be just that – a story. Trust the incredible power of fiction… let your story play out and let your readers glean from it what they will… just like they observe real life and glean from it without exposition.
This is my opinion… what’s yours? Do you agree with me? Disagree? A little bit of both? Please share… I always love feedback and discussion.:)
My writing community is doing a Thanksgiving Shower today – any members of the community who would like to participate are posting about one thing they’re thankful for.
I was thinking about what I wanted to share…
And I decided that I’m thankful for 2020.
2020 has been one of the craziest years of my life. In 2020 I’ve gone through valleys I never saw coming. I’ve growled and made faces at current events. I’ve come sobbing to God with the weight of… life. I’ve faced the raw, unfiltered depths of my heart and winced at what I’ve found.
But I’m thankful for 2020.
Consistent with what I’ve found before, God has used the hardest times of my life to draw me closer to Him. To show me that I am truly nothing, and that He is truly everything.
I’ve learned that my life is not mine. It’s His.
I’ve learned that my future is not in my hands. It’s in His.
I’ve learned that I don’t know it all. He does.
I’ve learned that I’m not at all worthy of praise. He is.
Sometimes I’ve doubted my purpose. I’ve wondered how God could use someone so seriously flawed as myself for His glory. And He’s showed me that He can – that He’ll use even my brokenness for His glory.
What I’ve written so far makes it seem like 2020 has been a miserable year for me. Quite the contrary! God simply flooded my life with amazingness this year… I don’t even know where to start.
I’ve had the opportunity to build so many new and incredible relationships. And develop and further build old ones.
I’ve been able to move on from home education and push myself into taking my writing seriously.
I’ve journaled like crazy.
I’ve gained many new experiences (and therefore tons of new story material).
I’ve grown closer to God, worked through the rubble of my heart, and been able to keep coming back to focus on Him.
Over a year ago I wrote my brother a letter. For awhile we were on a letter-writing spree, and this letter was simply a response to one of his. Nothing too out of the ordinary…
Yet something felt different about this one. I don’t usually save copies of the letters I write, but for some reason I wanted to save a copy of that one. I really felt like I had expressed my heart well in that letter, and I wanted to share it with others. But I felt like God was telling me that wasn’t a good idea. This letter was for my brother, not the world. Right?
So I took a picture of the letter, slipped the letter into an envelope, stuck the envelope in my brother’s Bible, and didn’t think too much more about it. Life went on.
Then, a couple of months ago, this same brother got up to speak at my graduation ceremony. As he was talking, I saw him pull a familiar red envelope out of his pocket, and instantly I knew what he was about to do. Oh, my gracious.
I think I bawled through the whole thing.
It was incredible to see how God had taken a simple letter, said no to my first impulse to share it, and then a year later brought it before many dear people. It was a huge blessing to me and a reminder of God’s beautiful, beautiful timing. I was thrilled.
But God wasn’t done yet.
One of my aunts asked for a copy of the letter, and my uncle shared it in a sermon. Then the sermon got circulated by family members. My letter was reaching people I had never seen.
Do not underestimate God.
He will take the simplest thing and use it in the most unimaginable way.
I wanted to share this letter with you today, because I keep coming back to it and being convicted. As the author, I feel a responsibility to be living out and exemplifying the principles I’ve laid out here… and I constantly need to be reminded of them.
This letter is reminding me to bring my focus back to the right place – and I hope it does the same for you.
The excellency of the power is certainly of God, not us. The more I live, the more I realize how desperately sinful I am. Any good that comes of anything touching my life is certainly of God. He is so, SO worthy of our praise! He has loved me with a love that I simply cannot fathom. He truly mustincrease as I myself decrease.
More and more God shows me that He wants my priority to be my relationship with Him – not even evangelism, relationships with others, or any other sort of good works. Those will flow from my relationship with Him. He looks at the heart, and if all my feeble attempts to serve Him don’t come from an earnest desire for Him, they are filthy rags to Him.
It is so, SO important to guard our relationship with Him from all that threatens to destroy – even if it means we are called radicals. This love is more than deserving of radical defense. It demands our souls, our lives, our ALL. It calls for action.
Laurel Luehmann 