life – Page 2 – Laurel Luehmann

December Memories – 2021

January 3, 2022January 3, 2022by Laurel Luehmann2 Comments

Happy 2022, friends!

Let’s be extremely cliche and mention how it’s so hard to believe it’s a new year already… and then resist the urge to recap the whole year and just give you a recap of December.:)

Things worth remembering…

cousin time complete with late night chatting, so much laughter, wigs, and a bonfire.
being listed on Goodreads as an author!!! You can follow me here.:)
the beauty of the sun rising and setting in the winter. It almost makes the negative temps worth it.
surviving the Carolina Reaper cheese that our co-op makes. It’s brutal, guys. I hadn’t downed milk that desperately in a while. 😅
The Christmas Cookie Baking Day with siblings and friends! ~~I will never read about John the Baptist the same way again…~~
running around in the wind and dark with siblings and flashlights, trying to round up the calves that decided to tour the farmyard when a storm blew away their little homes.
bowling for the first time and only falling down once.
making runzas (basically rolls stuffed with ground beef and cabbage and onion) with my sisters.
announcing that I’m releasing a poetry book in 2022!!

What I’ve been reading…

London in the Dark – Victoria Lynn

“Don’t be an island, Cy. When you push us away, the only person you hurt is yourself.”

The Sherlock Holmes vibes in this novel were stellar. The plot made me want to keep turning pages after getting home from a trip at two in the morning, so there’s that… 😂 The book definitely could have used some more editing, but overall, it was sweet and engaging with the perfect amount of mystery!

Dearest Friend: a life of Abigail Adams – Lynne Withey

To Isaac she [Abigail] expressed her conviction of the importance of education. “In youth the mind is like a tender twig,” she observed, “which you may bend as you please, but in age like a sturdy oak and hard to move.”

I’m previewing this one for a sister. It’s been fun reading a bit more about this spunky little lady!

Bartholomew’s Passage – Arnold Ytreeide

My family’s read this book during Advent for a while now! It’s such a fun story, and I love how all the little threads woven throughout the story are tied up at the end.

What I’ve been listening to…

Christmas in Velvet (Album)

RELATE – for KING & COUNTRY

’cause I’ve been real, I’ve been fake // been a sinner, been a saint // I’ve been right, I’ve been so, so wrong // yeah, I’ve made my mistakes

Speak Life – TobyMac

though it’s crazy, amazing // we can turn a heart through the words we say // mountains crumble with every syllable // hope can live or die

Me Without You – TobyMac

I’d be packin’ my bags when I need to stay // I’d be chasin’ every breeze that blows my way // I’d be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away // It’s true // that’s me without You

Lights Shine Bright – TobyMac

lights shine bright everywhere we go // music for the people to illuminate the soul

(Yes, I’ve been on a TobyMac kick.:))

From the journal…

You give me Your love – fill me up to overflowing – so that I can pour it out to others. Oh, strengthen me to do that when all I want is to see my own desires fulfilled.

I can take my strength and nourishment from the faithfulness of my Beloved. (Psalm 37:3)

If You need to keep on breaking me to get me to the place You need me to be, so be it… but Lord, I pray that I would cultivate a heart that is always tuned to Yours. That when You say “turn here” or “let your eyes look straight ahead”, I would obey instantly. Let my mind be transformed so I may know Your will. I love You, Jesus.

Lord, thank You for letting me know You. Don’t let this journal be empty words… let me live out all of my declarations of love to You daily, so that people don’t have to read my journal to see Who holds my heart.

Oh, but this aches sometimes… So I cry and wait and pray in the dripping darkness for the day when I can see why. Why all of this must be so painful and twisted and broken. But I trust You. I do.

Righteousness is right standing with God. So if I look pious and holy to the world, but have unseen sin swarming beneath the mask, I have no righteousness.

Actual holiness > everyone thinking you’re holy when you’re not

Words of wisdom…

“None but the man “void of wisdom” will show contempt for those about him. The wise man, if he cannot admire or praise, will at least know how to be silent.” – Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

“…who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.” – Titus 2:14

What made your December special or memorable?

❤ Laurel

This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something through one of the links I share in this post, I receive a small commission… at no extra cost to you.:)

Book Reviews, Journaling, life, Music, Personal, reading

November Memories – 2021

December 6, 2021by Laurel Luehmann6 Comments

Hello, friends!

I love putting together these monthly reviews because it forces me to take a step back and see just how much beautiful, painful, crazy life gets crammed into a short 30 days. All of the ups and downs, the smiles, the tears, the quiet days, the chaotic ones… they all come together to showcase God’s glory and goodness. Amazing, isn’t it?

That being said, here’s a glimpse of my November. ❤

Things worth remembering…

Actually being the last one standing in dodgeball XD
A sibling date in an empty Pizza Hut dining room
Starting NaNoWriMo off strong… then crashing and burning after writing 13,000 words (I really, really love a lot of what I did write, though!:)
Soaking up sunshine and the Word in the pasture
Lots of watercolor painting
Lovely November sunrises
Singing with my family
Dutch Blitz, Uno, and Spoons
The Christmas tree decorating party
Belting Christmas songs in my car
Sliding around in the mud at the farm. *laughs weakly*

What I’ve been reading…

The White Cliffs – Alice Duer Miller

Ah, they forget they cannot write their parts; the bell has rung, the curtain rises, and the stage is set for tragedy – they were in love and young.

I think this is the first novel I read that is completely poetry… and it was beautiful. I read it aloud to myself in two sittings… which is saying something because I don’t binge read anymore! I’ll definitely be reading it again. Thank you for sharing it with me, Grandma! ❤

Rilla of Ingleside – L.M. Montgomery

“…I did not believe for a minute she would or could do it. But you see what has happened and it is making a woman of her. When we have to do a thing, Mrs. Dr. dear, we can do it.”

I picked this classic up again for the first time in years… and it’s been so enjoyable! I love rereading old favorites and seeing so many jewels in the storyline, writing, and dialogue that I’d never picked up on previously.

Devotedly – Valerie Elliot Shephard

“Lord, do Thou fulfil this Thy word unto Thy suffering servant – preserve me from evil, sustain my trust in Thee, and lift up my soul that I may praise Thee for these my sore testings, for I do love Thee, and long to fulfil Thy will.” – Elisabeth Elliot

Yes… still working at this one. Still loving it.:)

When Beauty Blooms – Victoria Lynn

Perhaps being beautiful wasn’t about being lovely to look at and a good conversationalist. Perhaps it was something a bit more than that. Something broader.

To be completely honest, I wasn’t totally impressed by this novella. The writing seemed a bit awkward to me for a good portion of the story (though that definitely could be stylistic preferences). By the time I got to the climax, however, I was so caught up in the story that I wasn’t mentally editing anymore. It’s a sweet story with a great lesson!

12 Days at Bleakly Manor – Michelle Griep

“Since the moment you arrived, Miss Chapman, you have been the dearest of creatures to me. Why, I’d forgotten how delightful it is to be seen and heard.”

This sweet Christmas-y combination of mystery and romance was such a fun read! I did not see all of the plot twists coming! Plus, the nod to Dickens’ Bleak House characters was so enjoyable.:)

Songs I’ve been loving…

Your Ways are Higher than Mine – The Collingsworth Family

Your ways are higher than mine // I want mountains to move // You want me to climb //

Dare You to Move – Switchfoot

I dare you to move // I dare you to move // like today never happened // today never happened before

Raise a Hallelujah – Bethel Music

I’m gonna sing, in the middle of the storm // louder and louder, you’re gonna hear my praises roar

Yes and No – David Dunn

What I want and what I really need, only You know the difference // learning you do what’s best for me // with every answer given

Gloria – The ZOE Group (although my favorite version is performed by my family:))

Mighty King glorified // seated at the right hand of God // You laid down Your heavenly crown // and chose to take on the sin of the world

From the journal…

God, just help me to dig for truth and righteousness. To have the courage and strength to work out in the valley what I saw on the mountain.

God, I can’t see. I can’t see what You can. Give me Your eyes.

So much will change so soon… Lord, thank You for today.

You don’t change. Even in the overwhelming pain of this hidden valley. You remain the same. You’re the same good, faithful God You were on the mountain. You still fill my life with good things.

Oh, my soul, love deeply.

Remember. Remember from whence you have come. Remember who you were without Him.

When it looks like the best is withheld from me and given to someone else, You comfort me with Your presence and whisper, “Arise, walk in the land… for I give it to you.” (prompted by Genesis 13)

Words of wisdom…

“For my beloved I will not fear – love knows to do for him, for her, as hitherto. Whom my heart cherishes are dear to Thy heart, too.” – Amy Carmichael

“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” – Psalm 37:3-5

“Forever is composed of nows.” – Emily Dickinson

“Be as you wish to seem.” – Socrates

What were some of the most memorable pieces of your November? How did you see God working this past month?

❤ Laurel

life, Personal

Eighteen – My Mid-Term Reflections

January 11, 2021by Laurel LuehmannLeave a Comment

I’ve hit the half-way mark in my eighteenth year.

Did it meet my expectations?

Uh, no. Big no. My little-kid self assumed that when one turns eighteen, one magically becomes an adult, assumes adult responsibilities with ease, has everything figured out in life, and does big things.

Maybe that happens to everyone else… but it sure didn’t happen to me.

Looking back, I see that much of this slice of life was spent just trying to get the hang of life as a graduated adult with work instead of school, and a whole lot of things to figure out. I did a lot of journaling. And crying. And laughing. And praying. And thinking. And writing. And smiling. And farming. Lots of little things filled my life – and joy – to overflowing.

I had big plans to write my novel, take writing classes, and probably stop mixing feed for the cows on the family farm. (No offense, cows…) I wanted an orderly lifestyle with few or no complications. Ha.

Instead, I grew to love the crazy diversity that defines this season of my life. I fell ~~mostly~~ in love with my job on the farm and decided to keep it. I got to take on some babysitting. I didn’t take many writing classes. I didn’t make as much progress on my novel as I had naively planned. I got shoved into situations that stretched me…

But am I happy with how the last six months have panned out?

Absolutely.

They most certainly did not go according to my tidy, boring little plans. Oh, no. Instead, they gave me the opportunity to experience a huge, crazy mash-up of joy, pain, humor, irony, sacrifice, stumbling, disappointment, failure…

And fulfilment beyond my wildest dreams.

When God starts to change my plans, my first response is to wail, No, God. You don’t understand. This is how it’s supposed to go. Really.

To which He gently, but firmly, responds, Ah, but this is how it must go. Just wait and see… and soon you’ll know why.

I’m not at the end of my story, but I can already see some of the blessings that have come because God turned my plans upside down. I’m not holding so tightly to the security offered by things, plans, circumstances, or even people anymore. I’m not as scared of trying new things. I want Him more.

And I’m actually excited to hand Him the pen for these next six months – for the rest of my life – and to watch in breathless anticipation as He continues to write my story for me.

What are some things that you learned in your eighteenth year of life? Or are learning? Or wish to learn?

Photo credit: Jonna @thru.t.h.e.lens

life, Personal

Year-End Reflections

December 21, 2020by Laurel Luehmann2 Comments

I can hardly believe it’s nearly Christmas… and nearly the end of this epic year. The end of any year always has me a bit contemplative – I remember December 31, 2009, when I was sadly pondering the fact that a decade was about to end… and we would never have it back. A pretty heavy thought for a seven-year-old.:)

Reveling in the memories of the past year and looking forward to the future is something I deeply enjoy at the end of each year. Join me, if you wish!

Looking back…

I see one of the most amazing years of my life, honestly. I almost feel badly saying that, because I know this has been a terrible year for so many. But seriously, God has blessed me so much in spite of the trials. New friends, new experiences, new responsibilities, new opportunities… it’s all one big crazy mess of blessings.

It certainly wasn’t without it’s trials, though. At all. This has also been one of the hardest years I’ve had so far. But I know that the most amazing times of growth in my life come through and after the trials, and this year was one huge growing party! I’m still so far from where I want to be… but here are some of the things God’s taught me/reminded me of this year:

I am not in control of my life. God is.
God’s plan for me is perfect, and He has me in just the right place at just the right time… always.
With great privileges come great responsibilities.
Time is short, and I can’t afford to waste it.
People are more important than the things I often prioritize before them.
God’s word is vital in my life.
God needs to come first in my life, no matter what.

Looking forward…

As always, I’m so excited to see what this coming year will hold. I know it will hold challenges… but it will hold so many joys, as well – I’m sure of that! And growth. Lots of growth.:)

Setting goals for the coming year is also something I love to do at this time. Not just the practical goals, like cleaning my room/keeping it that way (which has seriously been on my list of goals for the new year for as long as I can remember), but also goals that will help me develop as a person and disciple of Christ. Goals that will draw me nearer to Him and make me a stronger and better representative of Him.

What are your thoughts on this past year? The coming year? Do you enjoy setting goals? As always, I would love to hear from you!

life

Take My Life, God… Really?

December 14, 2020by Laurel Luehmann7 Comments

It’s a song I love. It’s a song I love to sing. But it’s a song that’s really hard for me to live.

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

There are days when I don’t really want to live this. Instead, I end up living an oxymoron. In the morning, I come to God and re-surrender my life to Him. Here, God, it’s Yours. I live for You.

Fast-forward a few minutes to where He’s taking me up on my offer. I’m suddenly snatching my life back and clenching it in my fists.

God, You know that conversation is going to get really stretched out, and I don’t want to give that much of my time…

You want me to love them??? Didn’t You see how they hurt me???

God, it was a long day and I’m exhausted… I don’t want to go on a walk with her.

But anyway… take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

I’ll sing it, God… but I won’t live it.

You are near in their mouth but far from their mind. – Jeremiah 12:2b

It breaks my heart when I find myself living this awful oxymoron. How can I claim to love God, yet trample over His desires for me in pursuit of my own? Christianity can’t work this way. It doesn’t work this way.

Surrender is surrender. No bones about it. When we surrender ourselves to God, we give Him everything. Literally everything.

We give Him our time and the way we spend it. We give Him our family and friends and our interactions with them. We give Him all of our possessions and what we do with them. We give Him our talents and the way we use them. We give Him our longings, our passions, our hopes, our dreams…

We give Him everything.

And we don’t take it back.

That’s what it means to be an all-out disciple of Christ.

I don’t wanna spend my life stuck in a pattern
And I don’t wanna gain this world but lose what matters
And so I’m giving up everything because

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
‘Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there’s something different
So come and be different in me

-from Different by Kyle Lee and Micah Tyler Begnaud

Photo by Edwin Andrade on Unsplash

Journaling, life, Personal, reading

A Month in Review – November 2020 Edition

November 30, 2020by Laurel Luehmann5 Comments

It’s crazy to think it’s already time for this again!

Highlights of the month

voting for the very first time
writing (of course)
making an audio drama with cousins
a sibling sleepover
wearing cozy sweaters
sight-reading piano duets with a brother
building relationships with people in my writing community
cleaning my room
making mashed potatoes in a ginormous bowl
hanging white lights in my bedroom
accidentally winning this giveaway (!!!)

Books I’ve been reading this month

Last month I didn’t read very much. This month I read much more. Thankfully. And each book was in a different genre! Bonus points.

Prophet

I’ve not finished this one yet, but I’ve enjoyed it so far! I’m a huge fan of allegories, and Ela’s conversations with the Infinite help me understand and appreciate the Lord more. Oh, I love the power of fiction.:)

Great Expectations

I mentioned this one last month, but it’s worth mentioning again.:) I love reading this aloud to some of my siblings.

12 Days at Bleakly Manor

I’m reading this one with some family members, and so far it’s been very enjoyable… despite the fact that it’s a romance.:) The plot is so complex, and I love how some of the characters are based off of characters in Dickens’ Bleak House.

I’ve also been able to venture into the dystopian genre while reading/editing a friend’s incredibly amazing novel-in-progress!!!

Journal Snippets from this month

“I have been careless of my ways – letting life fly by while I grasp at bits of it for myself. God, I want to live whole-heartedly for You – nothing held back. God, let me seek You passionately and purposefully. I want to use this season to learn how to be a doormat for humanity. (reference to an Oswald Chambers quote)”

“God’s salvation and righteousness are enough to make me greatly rejoice… and He provides them even on my worst days. I have a reason to worship. Thank You, Jesus.”

“Oh, God… let me choose You and Your ways… first and always. Be the deepest desire of my heart and the love of my life. Be the reason I live and breathe.”

“Oh, God, guidance. Let me listen to Your gentle whisper rather than the wild throbs of my heart.”

And that’s a wrap! How was your month? Did you do/read/write anything you care to share?:)

life, Personal

I’m Thankful for 2020

November 25, 2020by Laurel Luehmann1 Comment

My writing community is doing a Thanksgiving Shower today – any members of the community who would like to participate are posting about one thing they’re thankful for.

I was thinking about what I wanted to share…

And I decided that I’m thankful for 2020.

2020 has been one of the craziest years of my life. In 2020 I’ve gone through valleys I never saw coming. I’ve growled and made faces at current events. I’ve come sobbing to God with the weight of… life. I’ve faced the raw, unfiltered depths of my heart and winced at what I’ve found.

But I’m thankful for 2020.

Consistent with what I’ve found before, God has used the hardest times of my life to draw me closer to Him. To show me that I am truly nothing, and that He is truly everything.

I’ve learned that my life is not mine. It’s His.

I’ve learned that my future is not in my hands. It’s in His.

I’ve learned that I don’t know it all. He does.

I’ve learned that I’m not at all worthy of praise. He is.

Sometimes I’ve doubted my purpose. I’ve wondered how God could use someone so seriously flawed as myself for His glory. And He’s showed me that He can – that He’ll use even my brokenness for His glory.

What I’ve written so far makes it seem like 2020 has been a miserable year for me. Quite the contrary! God simply flooded my life with amazingness this year… I don’t even know where to start.

I’ve had the opportunity to build so many new and incredible relationships. And develop and further build old ones.

I’ve been able to move on from home education and push myself into taking my writing seriously.

I’ve journaled like crazy.

I’ve gained many new experiences (and therefore tons of new story material).

I’ve grown closer to God, worked through the rubble of my heart, and been able to keep coming back to focus on Him.

2020 has been amazing.

I’m so grateful God’s given me 2020.

life, Personal

Some Honest Ponderings + A Poll

November 5, 2020by Laurel Luehmann4 Comments

Hey, friends!

I don’t have a lot for you today… just a smattering of thoughts and a poll for you to answer. If you don’t want to hear from me today, please at least zip to the end of the post and answer the poll for me… it won’t take more than 17 seconds! I’d love to hear from you so I can have a better idea of how I can serve you here.:)

But in case you do want to stick around and listen to me…

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about discipline, self control, prioritizing… all that good stuff.

And I feel like I’ve really lost it in these areas lately.

I don’t like it.

I used to be the girl who was so motivated and diligent with many things in her life. I had goals, and I fought for them. I knew where I was going. I was focused and fierce in pursuing what I knew God wanted me to do.

But then this summer I started spiraling out of control. So many things happened and changed, and I lost my foothold. I flew out away from the firm ground of order and left myself dangling on the end of a rope I couldn’t seem to climb – perpetually swinging in the winds of life.

I told myself, This is life now. Embrace the crazy.

But this doesn’t have to be life. I don’t have to be disorganized and scrambling. Of course, there will be plot twists that pop up throughout my days, weeks, and months, but what would happen if I tackle them with a disciplined mindset?

How much of the craziness in my life is self-inflicted?

I want to stop being all willy-nilly in the way I approach my life. Yes, I need to be flexible, but I don’t need to be floppy. God is a God of order, and I’m not convinced that I’m being the best image-bearer I can be when I’m not living my life in an order of some sort. I want to reflect God’s character as best I can.

So in conclusion…

I want to work on being disciplined and focused this month. I want to be seeking God whole-heartedly, and I want my life and habits to reflect it.

That’s all.:)

Have a lovely evening, friends.

-Laurel

life, Personal

Singin’ in the Rain

October 22, 2020by Laurel Luehmann4 Comments

Happy Thursday, friends!

I have to admit… this morning didn’t feel so happy.

In case you don’t know, I get to feed the cows on my family’s farm. Sometimes I just show up and plow through the feeding routine as planned… but today there was a little hiccup.

The tractor I use for feeding had a flat tire.

I didn’t have to change it – my awesome brothers took care of that – but that incident set the feeding schedule back a bit.

Oh, and it was raining.

And cold.

And I was getting soggy and chilled and frustrated and “oh, poor me”ish.

Wimp.

As I roared around in the skid loader and a dampened mood, I asked meself – whoa, okay, fingers, I guess we’re going with an accent today, – really, what do I have to complain about? Sure, the morning didn’t go as planned, but what do I have to smile about?

Umm… basically everything.

I’ve got an amazing job… even if it is a bit damp and dirty at times. The damp and dirty days make me appreciate the nice days all the more!

I have warm clothes that help ward off the cold and the rain.

I have a lot of thinking time while I’m feeding.:)

See, the way we look at our lives makes all the difference. If we’re hunting down things to be angry/frustrated/sad about, trust me, we’ll find them.

But if we’re hunting down things to be joyful/contented/happy about, trust me, we’ll find them.

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

God has so richly blessed us… on our best days, and on our worst days. He always, always, always gives us something for which we can thank Him.

What’s that “something” for you today?

life, Poetry

Generations – A Poem

October 19, 2020by Laurel Luehmann9 Comments

My latest poem… tell me what you think of it!

A torrent of green

They burst on the scene-

Ready to take on the world.

Confident – oh, so

Confident

They

Could change the world with

Their song.

So they did.

What once was a forest of

Bleak

Monochrome

Soon became an explosion of

Verdure.

They gladdened the hearts of

The weak and the strong

The fearful and brave

The old and the young.

As the days turned to

Weeks

And the weeks turned to

Months

Their glory was ripening to

Rust

And they knew that their

Sweet days were

Short.

Yet they glowed

And they sang

In the grasp of the wind

That was stealing them

Far, far away on its

Breath

And they fell to their

Death

At the foot of the trees

That were helpless

To bring them to life.

A waste of a season?

They knew that they’d

Lived

The fullness of days

Appointed

To them.

So they sank into time –

Having burst upon

For a moment –

And broke into

Sod

For successors.

Photo by John Silliman on Unsplash