One year later, I sit here in the hour before dawn, as the sky colors lavender and pink in anticipation of the sun’s arrival, and the poetry of being able to soak in the beauty and symbolism of this hour is not lost on me.
I have spent much of my (short, I know) life waiting for the dawn…for the light of literal morning, for clarity in the light of God’s Word, for the moment when light will break over the darkest of circumstances and we will see that, truly, hope was not lost.
I have learned that the sweetest way to spend this darkest hour is to find my favorite constellation, brew a mug of coffee, and settle in with my Bible, journal, and a stack of books.
Seek the pinpricks of light afforded. Make and savor something beautiful. Fill my mind with truth, and preach it again to myself.
This, I realize today, is the essence of Beauty Even Here.
It’s a compilation of poetry that I wrote while feeling lost, directionless, confused, and disappointed by God’s timing. It’s in the spirit of Habakkuk, or Martha running to meet Jesus after her brother had been dead three days.
It’s full of poems that ask why, God?, but also of poems that cry show me, God…help me, God…heal me, God…turn my eyes to Yours.
One of my favorite lines from Beauty Even Here is nothing and everything has changed, and I feel that deeply – in a different way than I meant in that poem – a year or two later. A good deal has changed in my circumstances, but so little has changed in the tendencies of my heart: to seek the dawn of an answered prayer rather than the face of the One who is answering.
That, also, is the heart of Beauty Even Here, because I am stubborn, stuck in my ways, and so desperately need to be reminded and to remind myself to turn my eyes to Jesus in the midst of painful or unwanted circumstances, rather than just seeking relief and escape.
Spoiler alert if you haven’t read the book: He is the beauty even here.
So may we love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and learn to seek His face before we seek His hand.
He is our light, our joy, our ultimate satisfaction and beauty in both our darkest and most ordinary days.
What a gift He is!! How kind He is! We could not trust our lives to anyone better or more capable and worthy.
May He in truth be the most beautiful One to us in all our days.
Stay the course,
<3 Laurel
A small P.S. For nearly a month I’ve been wanting to get back into the habit of writing down three beautiful things that have happened/I’ve seen each day…as I’ve been writing this, I’ve been convinced that I do indeed need to get back into this habit. If you’d like to join me in doing this for just a month (hopefully you’ll get hooked on it and end up doing it for longer, hehe!), consider this your nudge and your invitation. 🙂