Lately I’ve been reading A Tale of Two Cities – a novel by Charles Dickens that takes place before and during the French Revolution. I love the book…
But I was horrified as I read one of the mob scenes. The scene was tactfully written, but still… what was going on was horrific. How could human beings do this to one another? This is disgusting.
That experience, paired with this poem I wrote the other day, got me thinking.
I realized that I want to be horrified and broken-hearted because of the world.
If I’m not, there’s a big problem. Because I’m the daughter of a holy God. A God who cannot come near to sin.
As I grow closer and closer to Him, sin should disgust me more and more. I shouldn’t develop a thick skin. I shouldn’t stare at sin unblinking. I shouldn’t sigh and say, “This is just the way the world is.”
I should weep. I should be revolted. I should cry for righteousness.
Because I was never meant to feel at home in a sin-smeared world.
My citizenship is in a sinless kingdom with a holy King. I can’t forget that.
Today I’m sending my first poetry manuscript off for edits.
It’s… pretty surreal. I know that in the grand scheme of things it’s just another piece in my life… but it feels huge! And honestly, it’s a bit frightening. A sizeable chunk of my soul’s monologue is on its way to greet the world. *grins nervously*
A little testimony
Anne Shirley and Jo March were my writing heroines when I was younger. I blame them entirely for my twelve-year-old self’s warped view of how publication works… they just sent off their manuscripts and got a check or a book with their name on the cover in exchange.
Easy peasy.
Then I heard wild success stories about writers who wrote and published books in their teens. Popular books.
I decided that I was going to get published in my teens… or live the rest of my life in regret.
For some reason, having the prestige of being a published teen author was really, really important to me. I felt like I needed to prove myself to the world by being yet another one of those homeschool graduates who knocks the intellectual socks off of the general population.😂
As I plugged away at my novel and got a strong, shockingly bitter taste of what being a writer actually looks like, my “get published by the age of twenty” goal shoved me up against a wall and stared me in the eyes, forcing me to come up with one good reason why getting published while I was still in my teens was such a good idea.
The only one I could think of was bragging rights…
And even that wasn’t a good idea.
Somewhere along the way, my goal to glorify God with my writing had surrendered to the goal to glorify myself.
That fact saddened me… so I gave up my dream.
I let go of the vision of being published by twenty to focus instead on letting my writing goals be driven by quality and depth, not deadlines. I hoped that someday I’d be able to come up with something that was worthy of being published because it was actually good and able to impact lives, not because I needed it to boost my ego.
That decision was so freeing. I wasn’t a slave to my writing ego anymore.
Months went by, my poems piled up, and I realized that maybe it was time to start prepping a poetry manuscript. I started compiling my favorite poems, writing more, working on a timeline for publishing…
And realized that – providing all goes as planned – I’ll be published by my twentieth birthday.
I’m blown away by the way God asks us to hand over our dreams. Bury them, burn them, shred them, scrub them from our hearts…
Only to tap us on the shoulder at the most unexpected moment, hand the dreams back with a knowing smile and whisper, “Didn’t I know best all along?”
Yes, Father. Yes, You did.
❤ Laurel
P.S. Look out for a title reveal soon… and expect my first book-baby in the spring of 2022.😉
Guys!!! I am so excited to announce that my writing friend Maya Joelle is releasing her gorgeous collection TODAY!!!
This girl is seriously so talented. I’ll be the first to confess my extreme pickiness in the area of poetry… and Maya has nailed it in this incredible collection. Here’s the review I shared on Goodreads:
This is a collection of poetry I will read and quote and remember over and over and over again.
It makes me feel known. Understood. Like I’m not the only one who hurts and feels and dreams so fiercely. It portrays darkness poignantly, letting the light shine through in such a brilliant and hopeful way.
I can’t recommend it enough!
About the book
Cathedral is a collection of poetry and creative prose about beauty in the midst of grief and joy in the face of great sorrow.
oh brave one,
oh broken, beautifully brave one,
remember.
remember that no matter how tiny the fragments this time,
how far apart they are scattered,
how long you must search,
he will help you find the pieces of the person you once were
and the image you once bore.
// to the broken ones
About the author
Maya Joelle is a wordsmith, bookdragon, and avid forest enthusiast from Michigan. In addition to poetry, she writes high fantasy novels and short stories that turn into novels. When she’s not writing or studying, she is often found marveling at the beauty of creation through the wonders of nature, music, and friendship. She writes poems to remind herself and others of God’s goodness amidst pain and sorrow, for the glory of the Author who knows the ending of her story.
I’ve been having fun writing off of these flash fic prompts this July. Today’s prompt was awake – and for me, it inspired more of a freestyle poem than a piece of flash fiction. I decided to fly with that idea… and here’s what happened!:)
Another April has come and gone… “and what will be the proof that it was here?”
Fields greening under the joint effort of thunderstorms and sunlight. Planters and soil finishers emerging from the sheds to work in the fields. Bugs… because… there must be bugs.
Aagh, the beauty and truth in that. I feel like this month has reminded me to do this. To stare at the world in child-like wonder, while recognizing the responsibility that comes with living life on this spinning mudball. To face down the evil while delighting in the good. To treasure the moments that can slip by unnoticed. To keep my eyes on what matters, and let the rest fade away.
To live wide-eyed.
I guess that’s my little ramble for today.:) On to the rest of the post…
Highlights of the Month
holding and binge-reading the proof copy of my novel
starting work on another novel… more on that in the future!
discovering Alan Gogoll’s music
listening to Nadine Brandes speak at the aforementioned summit… I love her heart in writing.
a trip to the library (this one seriously deserves more than a quick mention on a list. I hadn’t been inside a library for over a year… and the amount of emotion that overcame me as I stared at all the books was very weird. Very. Weird. I now long to haunt the library frequently.)
I became interested in the Elliots’ story while reading Shadow of the Almighty, so getting to read more about them in this book is really awesome. I love the humor, genuine love, and passion for Christ that’s infused in their letters. Also, the author’s commentary and perspective on her parents’ story is so sweet.
Courageous is one of my favorite movies, so when my sister laid hands on this novelization of the movie, of course I had to borrow it.:) I haven’t finished it yet, but already it’s gone far above and beyond my expectations. The way Randy Alcorn weaves so many more elements into the original plot… i.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.e. For mature readers, I can’t recommend it enough.
“Self-discovery is nebulous, so approach it carefully. Don’t allow your culture or subculture to influence you. That may sound as clichéd as Disney’s “follow your heart” gospel, but rather than a call to indulge in your sinful instincts without regard to others, it’s a call to embrace the fragment of God’s image that you most represent.”
I highly recommend this article to any writer who is trying to find their voice! Or to anyone who’s just trying to get comfortable in their skin.:)
I’ve been wanting to study theology for awhile and finally started taking it seriously. This book has been so helpful!
Journal Snippets
God, I want to want You desperately. I don’t want to be satisfied with my life and human relationships, though I thank You for making them so sweet. I want to crave You desperately. I want to pursue You relentlessly. I want You to be first in my heart and mind, always. Let me desire to know and love Your ways, and to walk in them faithfully.
Oh, God, it truly is all about You! Not about how I look to the world or what I do for the world… help me to take the focus from me to You and keep it there for eternity.
“Lead, kindly Light amid th’encircling gloom. Lead Thou me on.” Let me bounce that Light into this dark world. Make me patient and faithful in the dark.
God, bare my heart to Your instruction and correction, no matter the cost, no matter the pain. I want to be but a channel in Your hand. Make my life soft clay between your fingers; shape, twist, smash, and form it into proper shape, then hold it to the flame. Remove the dross, O Lord. I say so a bit tremblingly, but know this is what I want… what You want.
Help me to love others extravagantly – to live intentionally and boldly so I may do so to the fullest.
What made this April stand out to you?
This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something through one of the links I share in this post, I receive a small commission… at no extra cost to you.:)
Laurel Luehmann 